“The act of writing is an act of attempted comprehension, and, in a childlike way, control; we are so baffled and exhausted by what has happened, we want to imagine that giving words to the unspeakable will make it somehow our own.”
~ Joyce Carol Oates, in a New York Times interview, “Why we write about grief“

When I published “Creative grief” a few weeks ago, I expected a lot of reactions. You can’t write about a topic as emotional as divorce without eliciting some sort of response in people. (The fact that the blog confirmed what my Facebook friends have been suspecting for weeks — well, that probably had something to do with it, too.)

I have no idea if the blog was helpful for the few hundred people who read it, but it turned out that the process of writing it was enormously helpful for me. “Creative grief” gave my story a place to live. The comments on Facebook, Twitter and the blog itself helped me slog through some of the most difficult moments of my life — moving out of my house, meeting with my divorce attorney, Christmas.

More than that, writing about the heartache and sadness unlocked something inside of me. For the first time in weeks, I felt as though my life made sense. Through all the darkness, I was able to make space for gratitude — for friends, for family, for my own inner strength. Writing “Creative grief” helped me feel free for the first time in a very long time.

Yet that feeling only lasted a little while.

Despite the outpouring of love, despite the clarity that came from writing and sharing my story — it turns out that I still have to grieve. All the smartest people in my life tell me that it just takes time.

Still, if only for a few hours or a few days, I discovered that writing helped me feel better. Publishing my writing on a blog helped me realize that I don’t have to face the pain of my divorce alone. If my writing helps another divorcee feel as if they aren’t alone, well, that’s just gravy.

So, if you’ll indulge me, I’ll keep writing about grief from time to time — until I no longer feel called to.

I recently began dating for the first time in 13 years, and it’s curious because I know I’m not in the market for a serious relationship — not while I’m still grieving the end of my marriage.

So when I go on a date, it’s mostly for distraction, an hour or two to fill up the time. I go on a lot of dates. Most of them are low-key, no-sparks affairs with very nice guys. (Portland is full of very nice guys.) Some dates are even better than that.

Recently, however, I went on a horrible date with a guy who came off as a douchebag from almost the first second we met. He chastised me for not riding a bike, and after a few minutes of conversation, he suggested I needed therapy. (I have a very good therapist, but I think that’s beside the point.)

We met online, which I guess is how people meet dates these days. Admittedly, I hadn’t done a thorough job of filling out my profile. My thinking was: “I’m cute, and I’m single. What more do people need to know?”

A lot, it turns out.

If my date had known I had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn’t really on the hunt for Prince Charming, he might have skipped out on the date altogether. That would have saved us both the hassle.

Marketing thyself

Oftentimes I think we take the same failed approaches to marketing that I took to my date. We believe if we just put ourselves out there, the right kind of customers will find us. Because we are good at what we do, we believe we can build relationships with anyone who walks in the door.

Like all legitimate forms of marketing, dating requires you to be real about who you are, your intentions and your ideal “customers.” The more specific you are about what you want out of a date, the better your experience will be.

After that date, I created a checklist to help make my dating life a little more successful. Surprisingly, these tips translate really well to marketing.

• Be honest about who you are, how you operate and what you want. Never lie about anything. Gentlemen, this includes your height and weight. Your date will know soon enough if you are lying.
• Be yourself. This is similar to being honest, but it goes deeper. If you don’t know how to be yourself, get a therapist. (Never tell your date to get a therapist.)
• Don’t make any promises you can’t keep.
• Be thorough. That’s not the same as being wordy. Just make sure you tell your potential date everything they need to know in order to decide whether they want to date you.
• Only ask your potential to commit to one date. Make it free or very low cost.
• Avoid hyperbole, but be willing to brag a little. Put your best qualities forward.
• Specify what kind of date you are looking for. Keep your ideal date in your mind’s eye as you are writing copy.

Indeed, our dating and marketing efforts can yield surprising, scary and sometimes bizarre results. But for every bad date or bad customer, there is the potential for something much greater — even a relationship that lasts a lifetime.

They say two of the most difficult things people experience in this life are death and divorce. The latter can be particularly painful when the divorce appears to be brought on by outside pressures — a job, a family situation or a new love.

Heartbreak’s a bitch.

It was three years ago that I first began to see the cracks in my relationship with my longtime partner, but it wasn’t until several months ago that those cracks turned into fissures. After 13 years together, we were experts at negotiating new ways of relating to one another. We made several bold attempts to change the terms of our relationship, and we were exhilarated every time we found a new “solution.”

However, in the end, he fell in love with someone else and fell out of love with me. We both had to move on.

What does this have to do with graphic design?

Things like this happen to creative professionals (designers, developers, copywriters, etc.) all the time. As life events force us to slow down and turn our attention inward, our jobs compel us to keep producing inspired ideas — no matter how uncreative we feel.

For solo entrepreneurs, the pressure is even greater. In addition to creating outstanding work for our clients, we have to maintain a focus on our business. In the throes of tremendous grief, it can feel impossible to blog, to tweet, to update Facebook. In the darkest moments, we may wonder why we ever chose this. We may even consider going out and getting a “real job.”

I don’t profess to have any brilliant solution for the grief-stricken creative. Grief is a strange beast. You can distract yourself for a while — with busy work, anti-depressants, alcohol, sex, exercise, a trip to New Orleans, new friends, new relationships. You can give yourself a break and let your Twitter feed go to shit. You can allow yourself to act like a prick from time to time. I think it’s OK to let your life get a little ugly.

Sooner or later, you will be forced to confront your feelings — the sadness, the anger, the emptiness. You will need to find a way to process your emotions, via therapy, yoga, meditation, prayer, spiritual community, journaling or all of the above. (I recommend all of the above.)

Then suddenly and without warning, a sliver of light will break through the clouds. You’ll notice how your friends and family showed up in force to help you survive. You’ll come up with a sweet design, or an amazing business opportunity will land in your lap. You’ll feel better, bit by bit.

Eventually, you will feel more loved and supported than you ever have in your life. When that happens, you can begin to let go.

Two of my most popular blog posts — “How to hire a graphic designer” and “How NOT to hire a graphic designer” — are now available as free PDF downloads for use in presentations, classes and business meetings. If you’re ready to take the plunge and hire a designer, or if you know someone who is, check them out.

How to hire a graphic designer (PDF)

How NOT to hire a graphic designer (PDF)

In design as in business, timing is everything.

Too often, business owners rush into hiring graphic design services before their business is ready. Yet a lack of planning often leads to unfocused and poorly executed design product — even if the business owner has hired the world’s most awesome designer.

As someone who has been designing for more than a decade, I can tell you that my most successful clients are those who come to me with a strong business foundation and a solid marketing plan. Those who have a plan tend to:

• Pay less overall for my services (because we get the work done with fewer concepts, fewer revisions and a more focused process)
• Get more creative product for the same amount of money
• Get more done in less time
• Leverage creative product for multiple purposes, thus maximizing the value of the work

So how do you know when it’s the right time to hire a graphic designer? Here are a few instances.

When you have a solid marketing plan

Like I said, a marketing plan is key. When a client has a marketing strategy for reaching a specific audience in a specific way, it makes the designer’s job easier. It also makes both the client and the designer less likely to develop inappropriate solutions.

For example, if your target market is vegan bike enthusiasts living in Portland, your designer will be less likely to choose photos of people riding in SUVs and wearing fur coats. It seems obvious, but I can’t tell you the number of business owners I’ve encountered who say “anyone” is their ideal customer. That unfocused thinking leads to design chaos.

When you have an appropriate budget

I often tell people to hold off on hiring out design services until they can afford to hire someone good. Sure, you can get a $200 logo on the Internet, but it won’t be the kind of logo that you can use for many years, and it won’t be a custom job. Crowdsourcers and logo factories (most of which are based in India and China) specialize in churning out products, not in helping businesses find a visual edge.

To set your budget, ask design professionals in your area for their price ranges for a variety of projects. Most solo design professionals have better rates than full-blown design agencies. However, agencies often have more resources to devote to larger businesses. In my experience, most small- and mid-sized businesses can get everything they need from a single, reliable designer. Check my post on “How to hire a graphic designer” for tips.

When business is slow

Foundational graphic design work — logos, brand documents, stationery, etc. — requires time, focus and energy. If you can, plan to do this type of work during a slow season when you’ll be able to devote some time to the process. Feedback is a critical element of the design process. The more thoughtful and specific feedback you can provide, the better results you’ll have with your designer.

When business is booming

According to Wikipedia, the old proverb “strike while the iron is hot” means:

To act on an opportunity promptly while favorable conditions exist.

There is no more favorable condition for your business than a busy month or quarter. The more customers interact with your business, the more opportunities you have to generate buzz about your product or service.

Here are a few ideas for design projects you can use to keep the buzz going.

• Free promotional items, such as bookmarks, postcards, posters, coffee mugs, calendars or pens
• Email and print newsletters, reports, magazines, catalogs
• Personal notes to your best customers on branded stationery

When the marketing needs of your business change

I recently revamped my own business cards because I realized they didn’t reflect the type of clients I was targeting. My old cards were bright, glossy and somewhat splashy. Because I target some relatively conservative industries (education, technology, manufacturing), I decided to shift to a more conservative card.

Businesses change, and design solutions that worked for a mom-and-pop shop may no longer serve a more established business. Sometimes businesses just need a design change due to market trends and societal changes.

Be sure to revisit your marketing collateral on a yearly basis and ask yourself the following questions.

• Do these materials reflect my business today?
• Do these materials reflect my target customers?
• Is it time for a change?

When you’re ready to take your business to the next level

Few services have as much immediate, visceral impact on your business as graphic design services. If you’ve been hobbling along with a 35-year-old logo, a rundown storefront sign or a set of free Vistaprint business cards, now is the time to invest in your image.

Despite all of the amazing, talented professionals I have met and worked with in the graphic design community, I can’t tell you the number of “My Last Designer” horror stories I’ve heard over the years.

Some of the major complaints include:

• Designers who don’t return phone calls and emails.
• Control-freak designers (or what I like to call “creative combatants”) who won’t acquiesce to any client requests.
• Designers whose work doesn’t meet technical standards for print or web.
• Designers who take the client’s deposit and run.
• Designers who don’t follow instructions.
• Designers who just don’t understand the business or industry they are working in.

With so many wonderful, talented designers out there, how do these schmucks keep getting hired?

Most of the above issues can be avoided or mitigated by following the process outlined in my post “How to hire a graphic designer.” In addition to that list of “do’s,” however, there are also several “don’ts” that will help you avoid your own horror story.

1. Don’t use crowdsourcing.

There’s plenty of information on the web about crowdsourcing and spec work, and I don’t want to get into the debate too much here. Suffice it to say that I believe crowdsourcing is a bad design strategy because it favors the quantity of options over the quality of the work. Designers who participate in crowdsourcing sites don’t have the same attachment to the client’s desired results as traditional designers. Rather than creating custom visual solutions for client’s marketing needs, crowdsourcers tend to create large volumes of generic, derivative work that can be used by any business.

2. Don’t hire the first design company you find on Google.

Design is not a one-size-fits-all proposition. Design companies and freelance designers vary widely in terms of experience, skills and price. Before you hire a designer, put together a solid marketing plan that includes projects, timelines and a budget. Be realistic about the costs (see below). Once you know what you’re looking for, ask other business owners for recommendations, perform project-specific Internet searches and start interviewing potential candidates.

3. Don’t hire the cheapest designer.

I recently started working with a new client whose designer simply stopped returning phone calls. I hear this story all the time. The client chooses a designer because he or she is cheap and available, then the designer disappears.

The problem with hiring designers who charge $25 per hour is that they usually can’t afford to stay in business very long. There are many costs associated with running a successful design practice — from equipment to insurance to professional development — and the price of the services should reflect those costs.

4. Don’t hire based solely on portfolio.

In design school, portfolio is everything. But outside of that environment, there are many factors that contribute to a successful business/designer relationship. These include the five Ps —

• Portfolio: Does the designer have high-quality samples of the type of work you are looking for?
• Professionalism: Does the designer have his or her act together? How quickly does he or she return phone calls?
• Price: See above. Are the designer’s prices within your budget? And is your budget realistic?
• Personality: Does the designer mesh well with the stakeholders in this project? How does the designer handle creative conflicts?
• Productivity: How quickly can the designer turn projects around? What are the designer’s technical capabilities (print, web, etc.)?

5. Don’t forget about hiring me!

I’m available for a wide range of projects. Contact me.

Carrying a box full of three years of accumulated junk and with little fanfare, I walked out of my cubicle, down the hall and through industrial metal door marked “Exit.”

Like most big life transitions, leaving my part-time job of three years was full of complicated emotions. There was never a moment where I felt I was sticking it to the man, like Mr. Jet Blue Flight Attendant or that episode of Roseanne where the gang finally walks out of Wellman Plastics. There was never a moment of regret, either.

Instead, what I felt was:

• Fear — that my business wouldn’t bring in enough income, or that my savings were inadequate, or that I didn’t have enough of a safety net, or that I would get bored or lonely as a free agent.
• Sadness — about not seeing my coworkers on a regular basis and missing out on their constant antics.
• Excitement — that I could finally devote myself full-time to meeting the needs of my diverse array of clients.
• Accomplishment — about all the things I did while I was at ESD 112, such as improving school district communications, implementing social media for school districts and knocking out some kick-ass design projects.
• Gratitude — for the opportunity to serve, however that shows up for me today.

Do I wish my emotions were less complicated? Of course I do. I’m a child of the ’90s, and sometimes I wish life transitions would go like that episode of Roseanne, where you can leave the plastic factory and never look back.

The truth is, we all look back. If we’re intentional, we can look back with fondness, with gratitude, and with a sense of wonder about all the places life has taken us.

At least, that’s my plan for today.

Wherever I look — whether here in Portland or all over the Internet — I see creative people who do things I may never know how to do. Website developers with seemingly infinite technical skills. Illustrators who can draw anything. Photographers who capture arresting images even in mundane situations. Writers who can transform lives in a few sentences or even a tweet.

Within my own graphic design community, I’m awestruck by the things other designers come up with. I’ll see brilliant work in someone’s portfolio and think, How in the world did they do that?

But comparisons are tricky things. We’re not supposed to compare ourselves to others — just Google the phrase “stop comparing yourself to others” for loads of advice to this effect — but I think sometimes we can’t help it. I think we’re hardwired to determine where we stand in relationship to others, and until we gain a little perspective in life, we can’t help but judge ourselves.

With the emergence of social media, it’s easy to become comparison obsessed. Within a few minutes time, you can:

• Learn that a college friend got a six-figure job in NYC.
• See photos from a sunny BBQ to which you weren’t invited.
• Check out a brilliant photo set on Flickr or someone’s amazing design concepts on Dribbble.
• Watch videos of the Royal Wedding and drool over the cake.

One strategy that helps me stay centered is to remember that I have something in common with every person on this planet. Not only do we share 99.9% of the same DNA, but at the deepest levels, we share the same hopes, dreams, joys, fears, failures and neuroses.

These days, when I catch myself comparing my life to someone else’s, I try to remember what the other person and I have in common.

After all:

• I may not write like Seth Godin, but I can be as bald as him.
• I may not design logos like Saul Bass, but I can be a sci-fi geek like he was.
• I may not be as good at everything as Martha Stewart, but I can love my pets as much as she does.

The list goes on and on. When you compare yourself to others in a nonjudgmental way, things that used to bother you become curiosities. You become free to explore what you have to offer the world, which, trust me, is completely your own.

Advocates of spec work, crowdsourcing and design contests often claim that these practices are necessary because “it’s just so hard to find a good graphic designer these days.” Insert audible sigh here.

Although I can think of dozens of graphic designers whom I’d hire in a heartbeat, I get that choosing a designer is a risk. Unfortunately, spec work by its very nature poses an even greater risk for designers and businesses. It dilutes the design process and aids in the proliferation of logo factories and substandard design practices. (Read more about it at no-spec.com.)

Still, it’s hard to know whether a particular designer will be right for your needs. Individual designers’ working styles, technical abilities and specializations are all over the map.

So where do you begin?

1. Look at their portfolios. REALLY look.

Don’t just cruise designers’ websites looking for work you think is cool. Look for work that meshes well with your marketing strategy and is appropriate to your industry.

Once you find work you like, dig in deeper. If you’re hiring for web work, don’t just look at thumbnails on the designers’ site. Find the client’s live website and click around. If you’re hiring primarily for print work, arrange to see a print portfolio or at least some printed samples before you hire.

2. Interview your candidates on the phone or in person.

I realize email is faster than a phone or lunch meeting, and Twitter is even faster than email. But only a live interview allows you to get to know your designer. Plus, if your project has specific technical considerations, a phone or in-person interview allows you to find out what your prospect knows without the aid of Google.

Here are a few questions to ask:

• What do you look for in a client?
• Do you tend to work best collaboratively or on your own? (That’s not a trick question — some clients work better with designers who just crank out products and don’t do the whole collaborative process.)
• How do you approach creative differences and conflicts?
• What’s your favorite project of all time?
• What’s the most challenging project you’ve ever done?
• Do you work on an hourly or per-project basis? (I prefer per-project.) What are your rates?
• Speaking of pricing, how do you handle changes in the scope of work?
• Have you ever let a client go and why?

The phone or in-person interview need not take more than 30 minutes, but you’ll get a wealth of information about your candidates.

3. Call past clients.

I can’t tell you the number of horror stories I’ve heard about “My Last Designer.” Whoever this My Last Designer is, I don’t know how he or she keeps getting hired. Seriously.

Whether you have a list of references provided or are simply trolling the designer’s website for a list of past clients, here are a few questions to ask:

• What was the designer like to work with?
• Did he or she meet agreed-upon deadlines?
• How did you feel about the level of collaboration?
• Was the designer responsive to your feedback?

4. Keep in mind that good designers have good friends.

Your creative needs will likely extend beyond your designer. Once you have a designer you like working with, work with him or her to extend your creative network to photographers, illustrators, videographers, copywriters, web developers — you name it. Pretty soon, you’ll have an entire agency at your disposal.

5. If you remember nothing else, remember this.

Hire me. I’m great.

Like what you see on this blog? Become a fan of Mike Watters Design on Facebook at facebook.com/MikeWattersDesign. I post interesting design and marketing news once or twice a day. (I’m still tweeting at @mikewatterspdx.)